Ore no Ai : Mamoru
by Iris1
Summary: A look at love through Mamoru's perspective. ^_^


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There are many kinds of love in this world. One-sided love,   
unrequited love, parental love, love at first sight ... Can love   
survive ? Love hurts. Everyone hurts the one they love, no matter   
how hard they try not to.   
Love is a war. Passion is the sword that sticks into your gut and  
twists your throbbing heart. Sacrifice is meaningless.   
Be careful and learn to defend yourself.   
To love is to surrender ...  
and lose.  
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Ore no Ai : Mamoru  
My Love : Protect   
by Iris [ kanzaki_yukiko@yahoo.com ]   
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Like a half-opened flower, your mouth parts, delicate petal lips   
curving dazzlingly in a magnetic smile. My mind numbs at its   
radiance, recoiling at any thoughts of some gaudy butterfly that   
would plunge the depths of that flower, stealing its ambrosia   
nectar.   
  
Your smile is a priceless treasure that you flaunt unknowingly,   
childishly ignorant of the tempting invitation you so recklessly,  
so impetuously offer to all and sundry, naively unaware of the   
havoc it wrecks. It is a glowing prize that illuminates my life,  
banishing the grey monotone of tedious days spent without you,  
warms me with a vehement heat that is more passionate than the   
strength of the sun. Like a man parched from thirst, your   
addictive kisses relieves my insatiable thirst and yet leaves me   
hungry, aching for more - a cool, icy glass of warmest sunshine.  
  
And yet ... like any prize, it is to be won only in a   
competition. It is more than just a competition.   
  
It is a war. Each furious battle among every jealous contestant,   
vying for a portion of your boundless love, your endless light.   
Each victor possesively guards your candid gift like a selfish  
miser who greedily covets more of every piece of gold that he   
hoards, helplessly resentful, unwilling to share, wanting   
it to be focused only on him.  
  
And yet none of us seem to realize that your guileless smile is a   
trap all the more dangerous because of its genuine,   
uncomprehending innocence that disarms us, dissolving any   
resistance. You brandish this deadly weapon nonchalently,   
careless like the golden child you are, beckoning to us with a   
mindless pull which attracts us towards you with a spellbinding   
force. It binds us insidiously, drawing us unsuspectingly closer   
to you, an enticing snare that closes its jaws so gently ... and  
irrevocably when it is too late.   
  
Too late.   
  
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Your sweet voice, your vivacious words, are more than just   
delicate glass bells tinkling genially in the sunny breeze,  
more than a bubbling brook chattering merrily as it winds   
its careless way through the forest. It is a haunting music   
that thrills to my soul, clinging forever around me like an  
enchanted white fairy mist, echoes of my own mind.   
A hypnotic siren song that lures me, enthralls me, a helpless  
victim to its devastating, seductive power. I dance,  
mesmerized, to the rhytmn of your eternal tune, a captive  
marionette, a puppet whose strings are attached to you,   
wound tightly by the hand of destiny itself.   
  
I lie.   
  
For I am held a willing prisoner.  
Always my own choice.  
  
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Your vibrant laughter weaves seamlessly, each note of   
sheer joy forming a crystal lattice. A labyrinth of perfect  
crystal shards glittering resplendently in the scintillatingly   
gold sunlight. Thin, crystallized fragments of joy and happiness.   
And yet, each delicate, gleaming sliver is deceptively sharp.   
I become lost in this game of love, bearings disoriented in this   
crystal prison-maze. Each jubilant sound of gleeful exultance is   
a dagger-keen splinter that stabs me with flawless, painful   
accuracy, wounds me with the delirious bliss that fills me.  
  
Your exuberant laughter fills me with sharpest ectasy ...  
so intense it hurts.  
  
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Your eyes are an endless ocean of sea-blue innocence that   
drowns me. I float peacefully, in a placid, serene lake of   
tranquility that reflects the crystalline azure blue of the  
sky. So as the tides of the earth are controlled by the  
moon, the waves within your eyes rise and fall restlessly,   
lulling me into a false sense of security.   
Slowly, the buoyant waves of languorous calm that held me in  
restful repose turn stormy and turbulent.   
  
I sink readily into the swirling whirlpool of mad euphoria,   
heedless, or perhaps more accurately, uncaring of any dangers,   
diving deep into their crystal-clear depths to find the   
mysterious core of your very essence that is light. I plummet   
down, and I know, with certainty, that I will never desire to   
rise up to the surface again.   
  
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Your movements are clumsy, filled with an awkward coltish   
grace, as if your soul is still unused to the control of   
your body. Yet to me every bumbling gesture is infinitely  
perfect in its very imperfection.   
The way curls dangle tantalizingly down your shell-like   
ears, tempting me to brush them away tenderly.  
The way you adorably wrinkle your small, perky nose in   
charming, child-like puzzlement.  
The way you playfully tackle me with an energetic hug,   
without a second thought, pinning me effectively with your   
arms ...  
  
You are barreling ... burrowing your way into my heart.  
My soul.  
  
Persistent little rabbit.   
  
The way the gentle contours of your soft body moulds intimately   
over my own like a second skin. I want to hold you close to me   
for eternity, never release this tight embrace, seal any lines   
between us so that we merge into one. I bury my face in your bright  
hair, a gleaming curtain of heavy blonde silk, and inhale your   
fresh, clean scent, a heady fragrance that makes my head spin in  
dizzy delight.   
Kiss me and never let go.  
You worry that you are not graceful, accomplished, competent.  
I cannot imagine you as anything other than the way you are now,  
although I have seen the vision of the woman you will someday   
become in the future. She is beautiful, intelligent, powerful ;  
everything that I once thought I wanted. But since the moment  
I met you, I realize my monstrous error. Forgive my words.   
  
Never change. I can only think of how much I love you now. Any   
difference from the way you are now would be to desecrate my   
private, sacred feelings for you. Remain always my beloved golden  
girl with hair of sunlight and eyes of sky ...   
  
I need no Serenity.  
I desire only my Usako.  
  
I hold you close.  
  
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Your openly affectionate touch burns me, the sensual feel of  
your ivory skin, pliant and satin-smooth, singes me with flaring   
heat that devours me with raging, predatory desire. This primal,  
elemental fire within me smoulders, fanned by everything and   
all that you are. I am the proverbial moth, helpless but to   
plunge into the fiery depths of the scorching candle-flame.   
You burn with such joyful vitality for life I am afraid to   
approach, terrified my darkness will extinguish your light,   
my cold, desperate loneliness will douse out your bright flame.   
But it persists stubbornly in burning, this flame, a fire that   
I realize too late, is beyond control. I can't stop ...   
  
because I won't.   
  
The heat is enough to melt my soul.  
  
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Never, never cry. Tears don't suit you. I told you that once.  
Because, when you cry, when tears roll down your smooth  
cheeks in translucent rivers, your blue eyes great, aching  
pools of misery, my own heart throbs, twisting with such   
excruciating pain I would prefer to die rather than watch you   
continue crying. When you cry for me, because of me, I feel my  
black, icy despair writhe, aghast like a wounded animal within   
my torn soul, a wild storm of grief and guilt that swirls in   
increasing intensity with every diamond tear shed that stains  
your beloved face.   
  
How does one stem the flow of a river ?   
How does one restrain the breath of a storm ?   
Let me kiss the tears away.  
For I am lost within this storm.   
  
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Your love is terrifying. It is demanding and implacable -  
an unbreakable string that chains me,   
an inexorable wave that drowns me,   
a fierce fire that burns me.   
The softest shaft of moonlight that pierces   
  
right  
through   
my soul.  
  
I am exposed before you, all and everything that I am  
laid naked and bare before your gaze. Vulnerable.   
For the first time since ... forever.   
It leaves me scrambling for defenses in panic, groping  
for flimsy excuses to stave off this relentless attack,   
fumbling for any barrier that will reduce the flinching   
intensity of your all-consuming love. Our love.  
Can I trust you ?   
I'm not sure I can trust myself.  
My heart weeps at your silent, hurt admonishment for the   
gaping chasms that you mutely accuse me of digging   
between us.   
I fear you.   
Horror-stricken at the casual thought of tainting you   
with my darkness ... of diming your heart's   
glow, tarnishing the brilliance of your heavenly radiance ...  
  
Power, Hunger, Despair, Hatred, Fear are merely inky black  
feathers swirled in an undercurrent drift of a storm,   
tremulous, wavering shadows cast in palest light compared   
to this one emotion that fills me ...  
  
This chain which I wind tightly onto my own neck.   
This manacle which I clamp firmly around my own wrist.  
This cage which I lock myself into.   
  
My love.  
  
You hold the key. But even if I were free, I would   
chose to remain by your side always.  
Your heart clenches mine with its love, effortlessly   
clutching it into the sweet oblivion of total and complete  
surrender ...   
I can't live without you because ...   
You fill me with life.  
  
Mamo-chan. Mamo-chan. The words trip from your tongue like  
a song of love, a poem too beautiful for anyone else to  
utter besides you.   
  
I am not Tuxedo Kamen-sama,  
Neo-King Endymion,  
Tsukiagge no Knight,  
or even Prince Endymion.  
  
Ore wa Chiba Mamoru,   
Tsukino Usagi no koibito.  
  
Love me ...  
itsumo.  
  
Aishite,  
Usako.  
  
Ore no namae wa Chiba Mamoru.   
To protect, guard, defend.   
Yet it seems I cannot protect myself against you.  
  
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Glossary :  
Ore : I  
wa : am  
namae : name  
koibito : lover  
itsumo : always  
aishite : I love you  
mamoru : defend  
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Flower Myths : Iris   
  
Faith, Wisdom and Valor. Hope, Light and Power. Eloquence,   
Message and Promise. Emblem of the Warrior and Flower of May in   
Japan. Since Iris is the Greek goddess of messenger of love, her   
sacred flower is considered the symbol of communication and   
message. Greek men would often plant iris on the graves of their   
beloved women as attribute to the goddess Iris, whose duty it was   
to take the souls of women to the Elysian fields.   
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End file.
